Surprise, they got it!! All three kids getting sick at the same time. UGH. What in the world ?!?!?! I now have twins with strep and hand/foot/mouth disease.. on top of that, poor Gracie ended up with a staph rash on her face!!! She is on two antibiotics and a topical cream, Austin is on antibiotics too. Poor little monkeys!! Last night, they woke up at 3:30am and I just had to stare at them in amazement.. what a journey they are on.. with us. Today they seem to be feeling a little better and Tommy is well enough to go to preschool. :) He started on Monday.. can't believe how big he is getting.

Anyway, things are crazy as I am sure you can imagine. I just wanted to document this moment as it will not being happening again any time soon. I think I am going to flush the house with Clorox.. wishful thinking.

Cheers!
Erica and Tom

It's been a few weeks since I have written and I wanted to get a quick update out there.. The twins are doing great! I think they are pushing 17 lbs. now which is amazing.. They are both laughing now and chirping which is just magical. I am slowing realizing that I really do have three kids and am finally able to handle all three at once without feeling totally overwhelmed. I knew this would be a process but I think I am finally getting the hang of it. This past week, I got strep throat and had to go to a hotel to save the kids from getting it and I have never been so lonely.. it was like my heart was missing not being around my family, although I really needed the time to sweat out the 102 fever I was sporting. Tommy of course ended up getting it which totally sucked and on Monday, I got to experience three screaming children, all needing me in their own ways and not being able to pick up all of them. Wow. That can push ever inadequacy button you have but we got through it. We still have a few more days of waiting to be sure the twins didn't pick it up but even if they do, I can feel confident that I really did try to keep them healthy.

They are now eating fruit and cereal in the morning and veggies and cereal at night. They both get a fun bath each night while Tommy is splashing around and then go to bed at 8pm. I am so impressed with their new found ability to fall asleep quickly! They know exactly what is happening and just settle right in. We have gotten them to sleep from 8pm til 5am most of the past two weeks. They need a few re-binky moments throughout the night but for the most part, they are sleeping through the night. Holy  cow, are we really here??? We are letting our night nanny go after this weekend and then we are officially on our own for the very first time since they came home. .. a NEW CHAPTER!!! I am nervous and excited at the same time but I think I am ready.

T3 starts preschool on Monday and I will have Mondays and Fridays from 9 til noon with the twins all alone. I am really looking forward to having some alone time with them and giving them some much needed attention and snuggles. Three kids are challenging and a toddler is demanding. He will be having fun learning new things and meeting new friends and I can get closer to the twins, win/win. I love it and am very excited to report back on how it goes.

Life in the trenches.. still living moment to moment but that is getting easier. I know someday things will slow down but it's ok for now.

Much love to you all,
Erica & Tom

I feel like it's been forever since I have written and I'm sorry for the delay.. I spoke with a friend this past weekend who mentioned that she had been checking back for updates and I knew I needed to put something on paper. or online that is.

The kids are doing really well.. I took them in for their 6 mo.  check up and they are both 25 1/4" long, weighing in at 14.4 (Grace) and 14.2 (Austin). It is so surreal for me to read my old entries when they were only 3 lbs. respectively. .. my how far they have come. They are both rolling over for the most part and enjoy their Bumbo seats.. These days we have them playing either under the play gym or in bouncer.. they love their lambie swings and each has their favorite stuffed lovie. I am amazed at how aware they both are, really learning how to track and use their hands effectively. I have successfully switched them from Prosobee to regular Infant Formula which is much nicer on their digestive systems (ironically). Each day is a new adventure and hopefully soon they will be sleeping through the night and sitting up. Right now they can make it from 8:30pm til 1am and then to 5am so we are close. I started feeding them rice cereal but they spit it out .. I don't think they like it very much so I have introduced bananas and that was a great decision! They LOVE bananas so we are off to the races on eating. I will try and mix the two together and hopefully that will be a positive influence on their sleep patterns. Fingers crossed!

We are going to Texas (Tom and I) tomorrow and will be away from them for more than a day for the first time and it is so scary.. my parents are coming to be with them and I can only imagine the circus that awaits them. Tommy has been pretty jealous of the kids lately but seems to be dealing pretty well for the most part. He will be their biggest challenge as his TWOS are in full effect. With two nannies and my parents, Tom and I will hopefully feel safe enough to enjoy ourselves.

Work is going well (Tu/Th) and I will be picking up Weds. in July so we will test that out .. I miss all three of them so much it hurts. Hats off to those of you who are full time working moms. I am amazed by the dichotomy that presents itself from one minute to the next at the office. I like working, I hate working..I like it, I hate it..  and that is my day. I know I am not alone.

I will try and get better about updates and hope all are well.

Much love to you all,
Erica

What an amazing weekend it was.. we got to spend quality time with the kids and each other (Tom and I).. and we both felt like for the first time in a LONG time.. life is slowing down .. a bit. The twins are getting cuter by the day and bigger!~ Austin had to go to the doctor on Friday and I about fell down when I saw the scale. He weighs 13 pounds, 9 ounces!!! I couldn't believe it..far cry from 3 pounds!! He is getting much happier now too which is so nice. He was really colicky there for a bit and it was hard bc Grace was and is so calm. Well, actually she is now using her voice too. They are both smiling a ton and I finally get to ween them from the Prosobee. I am adding a little of the regular Enfamil formula into their big pitcher each night and eventually it will be converted completely but I want to do it slowly.They are drinking about 5-6 oz. at each feeding now but I have no idea where they fall in the growth charts... we will find out next time at their 6 mo. appts.

I am going to need to get a physical therapist out for Austin though which kind of sucks. He is high tone and needs some attention I think. He is just more stiff than Grace and has a slight flat spot on the back right side of his head. He has found a comfort position and so I have him sleeping on his left side now. The same thing happened with Tommy so I know what to do .. it's just a pain but whatever.

Everything seems to be going okay, I am back at work 2 days a week and sad about it. I miss the kids so much my heart aches but for now, this is what needs to happen. I will pick up another day next month, making it a three day work week but I get Mon. and Fri. off which is nice. We are trucking along and will keep posting as we are able.

Much love to you all,

Erica and Tom

Today I am reminded that loving something or someone so much it hurts.. is real. I had to leave the kids this morning and my heart ached like nothing else. As I stared into the eyes of T and the twins, I felt that bittersweetness of the juggling that is now my life. I had to hold back tears so that T wouldn't get upset and that is a new place to be in. .. keeping him from experiencing whatever pain I am feeling. He knows now and I have to really watch it. Having three children is big.. way bigger than I ever imagined and the weight of responsibility is heavy. It is so scary thinking about whether I will be able to provide the emotional, psychological and mental support and stimulation that they need and deserve while also keeping my head screwed on straight. I am in awe of women (and men) for all that they do to raise our kids. I understand what it feels like to be overwhelmed and a bit paralyzed by fear. The enormity of the job ahead of me is strikingly scary but I see that if I break it down to what I can handle each moment or each hour, I can take the next step. I know I must sound so dramatic and cerebral right now but it's true. When you stop and actually take inventory of yourself when evaluating parenthood, it could completely stump you. It certainly stumps me. I feel like crawling into the closet and sucking my thumb sometimes, especially now that the dust has settled. Post NICU never really occurred to me. I mean, what I would feel like.. whether I would escape without some serious emotional scars. Sadly, I have to admit that it did change me. .. I think for the better but I am not sure yet. For now, I will just take it one day at a time and try my very hardest to be present for them and for me.

On a much lighter note.. the new day to day thinking is a bit refreshing as well. When you live moment to moment, you get to notice the nuances and idiosyncrasies, the sparkly smiles, and giggles .. it's quite magical. I LOVE being a mom and all that goes with it and I will continue to walk through each day with them, giving each of them as much love and attention as is humanly possible and pray they turn out well. :) Lord knows their beginning was a little rough but as time passes, things are becoming much more normal and that makes me really happy.

I thank God for all that has gone right and all of the hurdles that have made me a stronger person. Life is crazy and amazing and I am grateful we are all in it together.

Sorry for the "Deep Thoughts" entry but it's where I am today. ..
Erica 

Today was my first day back at work in almost 6 months and I can't help but feel like I am in the twilight zone. SO much has happened since my last day there (Dec. 15th, 2011) and I am not the same person. I left the twins and Tommy this morning with a really heavy heart and I know with time, I will get used to it. It just feels surreal in every sense of that word. What I am reminded of is that time heals all wounds, and that I can truly move on now.

The kids are amazing as usual, getting bigger and cooing up a storm. Their smiles can light up a room and I can't wait til they can laugh. They are both very strong and can hold up their heads really well. They are tracking and playing with toys you put in front of them. I am really enjoying the time that Tom and I have at night before bed. We each get a baby and just snuggle for a few hours watching TV. It is so comforting to us all and I can't help but think that pretty soon, they will be sitting up in our bed which will be so fun.

There is a reunion for the NICU on the 20th of this month and that feels really strange. We aren't sure if we are going to go yet. I am not sure I am ready to go back there to be honest. The last time was when we took Grace home and I am scared it will bring back all kinds of emotions. .. maybe those are emotions we need to face in order to truly move forward. Who knows.. we will figure it out. We also need to figure out what we are going to do to give back to them. So many of the couples donate time or items for the new parents and we need to think of something special.

I am not sure how much the kids weigh right now but I would guess around 12-13 lbs. They are growing out of their 0-3 month clothes so I would assume they are about 1-2 pounds away from catching up with the regular kids their age. Gracie is a little butterball and Austin looks like a frog with a skinny little waist but a fat tummy. They are still so cute and changing each day. I can't keep up!!

I will update with actual numbers when I get them but for now, they are happy and healthy!!

Much love,
Erica and Tom

4 Months Old and counting..

I can't believe it, but they are 4 months old. I have been daydreaming about what great things I wanted to post and when, but because things have been so chaotic.. here I am just writing what comes to mind in the moment. To start off, BOTH of them rolled over the other day. Grace did it last week and Austin did it yesterday. .. so proud of them! They are growing rapidly now and I think they are around 12 lbs. each. Grace is a little bigger but not by much. They are changing so much it is crazy!! Grace is so mellow most of the time. She sleeps in in the mornings and wants to be up playing in the middle of the night, not a good sign! Austin is high maintenance and knows what he wants and does NOT want. I am impressed with his ability to stop a room when he cries. They now sleep side by side in Grace's crib and I think they are starting to realize that there is another baby nearby when they are sleeping, so cute! For the most part, they each want their individual needs met so the interaction is little at best. They do play under the Baby Einstein gym together and bat at the various toys while cooing.. I love it. I can't wait til they can play together.

I look at them each day and I am in disbelief that they are home, that they are ours. It's as if they are not the same kids from the NICU..surreal. They both recognize Tom and I now and smile from ear to ear. I'm also happy to report that they both have two dimples each and use them well to get much needed cuddles. I never thought I would say this, but the time has truly flown by. We have an NICU reunion this month and I think that will make it even more weird, but could also ground us more. What a journey...

I've been off work for 5 months and will be going back a few days a week in mid-May. It will be heartwrenching to leave them and I'm not looking forward to it, but it's time. :( I feel very blessed and lucky to have had as much time as I have though. Most women get much less.

Update on insurance.. We proved that we had coverage in 2011 and now Blue Cross is saying that they will only pay for room and board in 2012 because we ended our relationship with them before the kids were released. I am livid because that means that we are responsible for all professional services (all the doctors!!) from Jan. 31 until Feb. 17 and 22 respectively. Accolade told us the wrong thing and it looks like we may have to involve an attorney. Why can't things like this just go smoothly? It's not as if the hospital stay was stressful enough. Ugh.
Well, that's all for now.. Gracie woke up and I'm now holding her with my left arm while typing (chicken pecking) with my right index, not as fun.

More as it happens,
Erica and Tom

Butter Balls of America

It is official Grace is now bigger than Austin! She weighed in at 10lbs. 3.5 oz and 21" .. Austin was 10lbs. 2.5 oz. and 22 1/4" .. yesterday was their 4 month appt. and they did great. It was Mom that was struggling. I have them on my own on Mondays so I packed up all three kids an hour before to drive less than a mile.. it was hilarious. We got through three shots each and home with all kids alive and in tact. Tommy played at the office with toys.. he did amazing! I was very proud considering that he normally wreaks havoc.

We are all doing well, just praying that the kids sleep through the night soon. We have help right now and do not want to let go of the sleep we are getting. Life is much more challenging with three kids when one is a two year old. We find that we are exhausted all the time regardless of how much sleep we get. I don't want to push fast forward through all of their milestones but it would be nice to put them in bed at night and wake up the next morning knowing we all slept.

Update on the insurance situation: We conference called with Accolade today who is supposed to advocate for us and they are  trying to say that we didn't have coverage in 2011 when they were born. We have all of the documentation though saying that we sent our forms on the 27th. This will be interesting to say the very least.. I am eager to see what happens. Ugh.

Hoping all is well with everyone else. . I will write more as time permits. I am kind of a three ring circus right now. :))

Much love,
Erica and Tom

Oh no!

Just when things were starting to feel normal.. A bomb drops on our heads. I got an Explanation of Benefits today that said we owe $220.000.00 to Cedars. Apparently, our rep at BCBS was misinformed when she told me that everything relating to the kids would be under one claim. I'm beside myself right now, waiting for a supervisor to call me back. This was not what I expected at all and am praying it's a bad dream.

On a lighter note, Easter was nice. The kids are getting so big! Grace weighs 9 lbs 11.5 oz and I think Austin is around 10 lbs but we will know more next week at their 4 month check up. Far cry from 2 and 3 lbs!!

More as it happens,
Erica and Tom

Three Month Pictures

Evan though they turned 3 mo old on the 25th of March, I am just now doing their pics. Things are going well.. they are getting bigger each day and sleeping better. Their personalities are starting to come out which is fun. Grace is so mellow.. she only cries when she is hungry .. which is often. She has an amazing appetite but not as amazing as Austin's. That boy can put down some formula. He is averaging about 5 oz. each feed with some 6 oz. binges in there.

We are coming to the end of our time with our night nurse which is heart breaking because we love Bethany so much.. life will be quite a bit different for sure.

I have officially purchased the kid's Easter outfits and will post pics asap. This is going to be fun!

Much love to you all,

Erica and Tom

The Good the Bad and the Ugly

This week has been quite eventful..the kids officially slept thru the night.. Well, Grace slept five hours and Austin slept six. I was pleasantly surprised to say the least. I was hunkering down to have a horrible night after our night nurse cancelled due to illness. How sad that I was dreading it but feeding two crying babies at two am is not fun no matter how you shake it. They are officially sleeping on their backs in one crib now, side by side. We still have to prop Austin up sometimes but he is getting used to it. Wow how times have changed.

They are both little butterballs now.. ESP Gracie.. So cute!!! I sometimes pinch myself that they are actually here and that they are doing so well. Tom and I both feel like the worst part was supposed to be the NICU and as I mentioned previously, again we are realizing that this is the true long haul and it is hard. All of the angst and anxiety of having a newborn ( who happens to be three months old ) times TWO. I will be happy when they are sleeping twelve hours and I'm getting at least seven consistently. I keep reminding myself that this time is precious and should be treasured always and it will be .. After it's over. ;)

We think they are both around nine pounds now.. Can't wait to find out in a few weeks at the pedi office. That is about a six to seven pound weight gain in just a few short months, crazy! The docs say that they will take up to two years to catch up to other kids their age. I met a wonderful mom of twins the other day whose babies were born four days after mine and they each sleep eight hours and weigh TWELVE pounds!! Not fair..

We will get there..

I hope all of you are well and I will try and write again sooner..

Much love,
Erica and Tom

I'm down for the count..

I'm so frustrated.. I hurt my back and I am in bed today. The kids are being taken care of by our nanny which is such a God send.. I just need a little time to get better. They are doing really well.. still trying to figure out formula and such but for the most part, they are doing great. They are both getting so big! Grace slept for 4 hours the other night so they are both getting close to sleeping longer, yay!!

I had my first whole day with all three of them by myself on Monday. My nanny went back to her Monday job so I will have all three every Monday. Wow, it was an adventure.. I think it is the reason my back went out but I will deal. I am eternally grateful that we have a night nurse and nanny to help bc I think I would go crazy in a very short period of time. It's not even the twins .. it's Tommy AND the twins. He is so used to having all of my attention that when it is just me and the kids, he will compete with them openly for my attention... like practically sitting on my head while I am feeding them ., haha. I ended up taking them all three outside to escape the chaos.. I attached a picture of them in the double BOB stroller that day.

Update on this blog:
I will probably do updates one time a week now that they are monopolizing my time. I know all of you have lives and we are a tornado most of the time. Once a week will allow me to share milestones and not ramble so much. :))

I want to sincerely thank all of you for sharing our journey and being so supportive. It has been amazing to hear about all of the people who have been following us and the love outpouring has been so touching to Tom and I. This has been by far the most challenging 12 months of our lives and knowing that we have family and friends support and love makes it all okay. We are so very lucky to have faired so well at the NICU and we do want to continue to share about the twins if you guys are still interested of course. :))

Thank you so much again!

Tom and Erica

They BOTH slept FOUR whole hours last night!

Woo Hoo! We are working towards them sleeping through the night and last night, the skipped their 11pm feeding. It actually wasn't on purpose. We did the 8pm and they just weren't done eating. Austin more so than Grace, ate and ate.. after 10pm and 5 oz. each  (twice what they normally eat!) later, we put them in the crib and waited. They woke up at 1:45am and 2am respectively and I was very pleasantly surprised. Our night nurse could not be with us (her name is Bethany and we think she is wonderful BTW!! Let me know if anyone needs a referral) so I was the night nurse. It wasn't a solid 7 hours straight but almost 4 and then another 2. I will take it. We will try it again tonight to see if this was just a fluke.

Today I took Tommy to Adventureplex and we had a ball together. It was nice to have some alone time with him, just playing and climbing together. He did however hit another child, nice! I swear my excuse is always that he has new siblings at home and that usually helps. This time, another woman.. who was VERY pregnant heard me and said, "when did you deliver them?" I said Christmas Day and she stood up to show me her very pregnant belly, twins. I laughed remembering that the last time we were at Adventureplex, I was VERY pregnant and I delivered the next day. Wow how time flies and how amazing it is to meet other women with huge bellies and there is an instant sympatico. I gave her as much wisdom as I was able to offer. I'm sure it is scary to be so close to delivering .. I can relate. I forget how scary my story is and I try so hard to not share it so as to not strike fear in others, esp. a woman who is about to give birth. I toned it down drastically..

Well, all is ok with the kids. We are getting though each day as best we can. I look forward to the day when they can sleep in their cribs and we can watch them on the monitors. All in due time..

Much love to you all and Happy early St. Patty's Day!
Erica and Tom

ONE whole pound in two weeks!!!

Sorry for the delay in posting, things have been pretty crazy here. I just got back from the pediatrician's office where the kids got their Synagis vaccines. They were both weighed and Grace came in at 7lbs. 10 oz. and Austin at 7lbs. 14 1/2 oz. .. they have both gained a POUND in two weeks!!! I can't believe it.. they look amazing and so chubby. :)

I have attached some photos from the photo shoot the other day as well. I just ordered the announcements too and I am sooo excited to send them out. Amy did a great job on them. It all feels very surreal to be in this spot. .. just a regular mom with regular kids, three of them to be exact. It is a welcomed rest from the soap opera I call my life.

Updates
Our night nurse is amazing and we are loving her, the kids have outgrown their newborn clothes already and I got out the 0-3 stuff today. We have another appt in a month and that will be the longest they have ever gone without seeing a doctor. Woo hoo!!

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

A weekend of FIRSTS :))

Now that I have pumped for the last time in my life ;((( I'm trying to find the silver lining which is that I drank COFFEE for the first time in a whole YEAR!!! Caffeine here I come ..I'm so glad to find some normalcy in my life post pregnancy and this is it. After Lent, I will enjoy some much needed champagne too..

We took the risk and put all three kids in the car this weekend. Cabin fever was taking over and we had to escape albeit for a few hours. Sadly, it took an hour just to get everything situated. What we found was that three cars seats take up ALL of the room in our Sequoia.. with a stroller, there is NO free space. I have no idea what we will do when we try and take a trip but they all fit. We drove down to Redondo and got some take out, drove to the seawall and parked. I have to admit, it was so nice to be out of the house. This experience has been so isloating and it is just the beginning.. we are on lockdown until MAY!!!! Arrrrgg.. at least by then they will be bigger and it will be much safer for us to be out around germs. One day at a time.. .. as usual.

We also did an experiment on Austin and found that he prefers Prosobee Enfamil to breast milk, no more screaming.. woo hoo!! We mix the formula with 30ML of BM so that he at least gets a little and he is now sleeping better, just a happier baby. :) That makes us very very happy!

I put both kids in the swing for the first time today and they both LOVED it!! I was nervous about it because Tommy barfed the first time I put him in it. They did great though and I am happy to have something else to put them in.. it's like Wollyworld in here. I'm going to have to move furniture.

Things are pretty staus quo these days and Tommy is getting more and more comfy with them. We are starting to feel like a real family of 5.. wow, never thought I would say that. .. just feeling very very blessed.

Pictures are from my sister's visit and Pam and Tim yesterday. :)

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

It's 2:00am, I'm up.

It's my shift taking care of the twins and of course they won't sleep. Tom did the 11pm feed and let me sleep until 11:45pm which was nice. I went to bed after putting Tommy down. I'm not dead to the world yet so we will see how this schedule works out. Although I would love to keep our nannies for ever, the cold reality is that I need to be able to do this on my own at some point. Well, I take that back.. WE need to figure it out. Right now, it seems to make sense to sleep separately and keep the kids in their room. We take turns sleeping.

So...it's 2am and I'm wide awake. I hate how night time always brings out the most stressful thoughts, things you need to do, things you have forgotten to do, my mind is racing. It's all about the kids of course. After my mental rants, I always come back to the fact that I'm looking at two little miracles. I still can't believe they are here and that will have to slowly sink in over time I suppose. I think back to Tommy and how different his first three months were. I remember being in the hospital and they threatened to put him under billy lights and we were mortified! We spent those first few days frantically trying to get my milk to come in so I could get Tommy breast feeding. I was obsessed with only breast feeding him and Tom had so little to do with his care. My how a few preemies changes your whole perspective. Now, we are a tag team and he cracks me up when he says, "Erica, I'm like a single mom over here!" when we feed them together. He is doing so amazing though and has adapted just like the rest of us. I'm just taken by - you do what you have to do to survive. That is such a humbling thought for me. The past few months have been just that, survival. living from one moment to the next, not one day or even week to the next. .. And I so look forward to not being in that state of mind anymore.

Deep (more like scattered) thoughts at 2:00am, sorry.. The kids are doing fine.. Austin is being tapered off of breastmilk and we started testing formulas today. So far, Gentalese is not the fit. I started Prosobee tonight and will continue that for at least 12 hours. I have two others I can try so we will see. I was laughing thinking .. All three of my kids will have eaten differently. T3 was breast fed for 6-7 months, Grace is bottle fed breast milk and Austin is bottle fed formula and BM. Oh well, again.. Whatever works. They now have matching bouncy chairs and they are sleeping in them which is so nice .. We don't have to hold them as long after each feeding. The daytimes are ok, but at night, I just want to feed them and crash.

Next week, they will get a second dose of what is called Synagis, a vaccine for RSV. Preemies are at a very high risk so it will be important to follow through with it. Good news is that T3 is not getting a cold. It was just allergies, phew!! We are safe for another day. .

. Ok, I need to quit rambling.

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom.

Grace's hips are ok!

Grace and I took a long drive together today up to Cedars for her hip appt. The ortho said that he wasn't worried and to do another ultrasound in a few weeks. Apparently, the ball joint isn't a perfect circle and sometimes that causes alarm but in this case, it was very minimally off so he suggested keeping an eye on it over the next several months. He wasn't worried though and that was key.

The fun part was having my little girl out about town all by ourselves. It was so strange to be among the living, not in the NICU.. and not cooped up at home. She got so much attention.. positive this time .. sweet!! She looks like a newborn in so many ways, it's hard to tell people she is almost 3 months old. I always end up telling an abridged version of their story.

It also felt strange to not have Austin with me. They are never apart and it made my heart hurt that he was left behind.. are my hormones still kickin or what?? He is having some colic-like issues lately and I am contemplating adding some different formula to his diet. I don't want to take him off of breast milk, but poor little guy is really struggling. :(( It breaks our hearts to hear him cry out in pain. We will try anything.. Grace is so mellow now and eats well, sleeps well.. super calm child. Good thing bc if I had two like Austin, I would freak.

Our Doula is leaving us alone this weekend for the first time since she started and I am scared. I have to admit though, two nights a week is nothing!!! You might not be hearing from me this weekend is all I am sayin..

Much love to all of you,
Erica and Tom

SIX whole hours of sleep!!

I cannot believe it but I actually slept for 6 hours last night! Our night nurse is so wonderful.. I want her to move in. :) Too bad she has her own life, bc I would steal her in a second if I could!!!

The kids are doing well.. nothing major to report today other than Tommy sneezed on Grace. I am now just waiting for the both of them to get some kind of cold. I started to panic yesterday and decided that the only thing I can do is what I am doing, keeping them isolated and as safe as possible. Tommy didn't know and if something major happens bc of this, we will deal with it. The issue is that if either of the twins get sick, they are back in the NICU for at least a week with antibiotics and such. They have such weak immune systems that catching anything could be catastrophic.  .. very scary. The cold season doesn't help us either. I'll keep you posted...

Other than that, Grace has her appt today for her hips so I will check in later. .

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

TWO MILLION DOLLAR BABIES!

Thank God for good insurance is all I can say at this point. I got the Explanation of Benefits from Blue Cross for the kids and each of them racked up a bill of more than $998,000.00!!! Because we had a maximum of $2500 out of pocket for inpatient services, that is all we will pay. Mind you this was our old policy and had we waited one more week, we would have been responsiblr for 10%! I'm a bit stunned by this information and am feeling quite blessed to have bypassed this potential disaster.

It jusr feels like God has His hand in this entire journey.. from walking them through the NICU with no major catastrphes to this.. I'm grateful. I still wish I could have carried them to term but they are safe and healthy and that is all that matters.

This week, we go to see the orthopedist for Grace's hips and I am nervous about it but am hoping that all is ok and she won't need a brace. That is the last of the follow up appts. and we will then just go to the normal schedule of doctor visits, etc.

The kids had photos taken yesterday by a photographer and I will post them when they become available. It was not as easy as I had hoped.. at all. Grace pooped on the blankets and Austin relieved himself on several as well. They fussed and cried but in the end, I think we got some great photos.. We even got Tommy to sit still for a bit but he refused to hold the twins so no pics of the three of them. Boo! Maybe next time..

Much love to you all from the trenches,
Erica and Tom

A new woman!!

I am so happy to say that I actually slept for FIVE hours last night.. After meeting the most amazing lady/night nurse.. my world is coming back into focus. I woke up at 5am and was ready to face the day.. Those were actually Tom's words.. he fell asleep around 11pm and I stayed up with our nanny until midnight. Tonight I will be sleeping right at 10pm when she gets here.. woo hoo!!

Sadly, my milk is not coming back. I think I will just let it go and move on. With Tommy, I remember when it started to go and I tried so hard to get it back. When it didn't happen, I was devastated. After all that we have been through, worse things can happen. I will feel blessed that I was able to feed them for 10 weeks and still have a ton of frozen milk. We will just go through that and then switch to formula.

If someone told me before the twins that all of this would happen (ALL of this, I mean).. I would have thought they were crazy. We have had a surreal three months (well, year actually) and when I look at these two little angels, I would do it all again. They are truly amazing, so incredibly beautiful and sweet and stinky and fussy and I love every second of it. (Spoken by a girl who slept last night of course!)

Cheers to motherhood and all that goes with it.

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

We found a night nurse!!!!!!!

So, last night was a joke. Tom and I slept maybe 2 hours each.. between each baby waking up separately of each other off and on throughout the night, we were mush by 5am. Then of course Tommy woke up and wanted to watch cartoons and have a morning with us. We woke up intermittently to start a new episode here or there but were pretty much comatose. Our morning routine with Tommy is so fun and we have truly enjoyed it for about a year now. He wakes up and gets in our bed for cartoons and breakfast. The past several weeks, we really have dropped the ball. He probably thinks something is wrong with me.. bc whenever he sees me, I am sleeping or trying to sleep. Hopefully with the help of our new night nurse, we can change that.. Just knowing that she is coming tomorrow night makes tonight palpable.

Which brings me to HOW do other families do this????? Honestly, it is the work of three people and the thought of one person doing it alone makes me so sad. Thank GOD for Doulas!!! and thank you to all of you who made suggestions and helped me.. I am indebted!

The babies are changing each day.. looking more healthy and eating more and more.. they are up to 85-90ML each feeding which just blows my mind. We get a little change back but that is normal.

FYI on the breastfeeding saga.. I think my milk is drying up. I am totally devastated and just writing it makes me cry. I missed some pumping right when Grace came home and I think my body thought it was time to stop so it has been dwindling at a fast past this week. I used to pump 5-6 oz. every three hours and now I only get 3oz. I am going to try and strictly breastfeed tomorrow and see if I can get it back. There will be a lot of supplementing though.

That is all for now.. but more as it happens,

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

One step closer..

Great news is that we are one step closer to getting a doula/night nurse. I guess I had been told that they were expensive but geeezzz I am in the wrong business! We haven't settled on one yet but just the thought of having one makes me breathe easier. We still need to get through the weekend but we will survive.. I hope.

The kids went to their second appt and they have grown!! Grace now weighs 6lbs. 12 oz. and Austin is SEVEN pounds!! I am so proud of them and watching them change each day is such a blessing. They had their vaccines too which sucked so they got Tylenol and have been fussy tonight. Hopefully they will sleep it off and tomorrow be back to normal. I had forgotten how traumatic this first few months are. After the eye doctor, they are wondering if they went home with the right people. :)

So sleepy so I am going but will post new pictures soon!
Erica and Tom

The Dark Ages

I had to take the twins to the opthamologist today and I about fell over when they did the exam. Apparently preemies struggle with retina development so we have to see the doctor several times to make sure they are progressing as they should. Mom and I got there and they dilated their eyes as suspected.. then... they brought out the Barbie salad tongs and shoved them into my childrens' eyes, holding back their lids. Austin screamed so loud and cried so hard, he broke blood vessels in his forehead and Grace didn't do much better. What in the world!!!!! I was shaking when we left and to top it off, they have to go back in three weeks. :((( That was Dark Ages torture as far as I am concerned. It was horrible and I am so sad that they have to endure that kind of pain just to see if their eyes are ok. Good news is that they do look good so chances are they will be joining us seeing individuals, nice.

We met our first night nurse candidate and she was not good for the job. Boo! The girl had two hair colors that were not complementing each other (sandy blond and orange). I don't think a 21 year old student will cut it.. back to the drawing board. I have been tempted to go with a Doula instead even though it will be more expensive. Hopefully the agency will call tomorrow with someone who can start immediately!

Have to go to bed .. getting up in an hour for the 11pm feed. Cheers to another day with my little stars.

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

Night Nurse here we come..

So, I went on sittercity.com last night and posted our job and got 6 applicants, woo hoo! I have never been so excited about sleeping in my life. We are interviewing three tomorrow so that should be handled by tomorrow. It's amazing how quickly I have to get things done now. Having three kids will certainly make me more efficient with my time.. bc I have NONE! :)

The kids took 80LMs tonight!!! They both did really well and we switched to the platex drop in bottles which seem to be easier. The NICU gives you these little 2 oz bottles and although my freezer is full of them, I have no new ones left so off we go to the store bought varieties. The new nipple confuses them a bit but they adapted pretty quickly.

The days seem to be ok but I am starting to imagine what life will be like once Mom leaves and it's scary. Simple things like running to the bathroom will be a new challenge. Man, I forgot about this with Tommy. I am so inspired by all of my friends who have twins that have already run this gauntlet and survived.. "just a few more months" I keep thinking..

We have an opthamology appt tomorrow bc preemies struggle with underdeveloped eyes .. hope that goes well. The second pedi appt. is Thursday so I will report new weights and such then. All in all, they are doing well and we can't complain. The great news is that I have hired a photographer to come to the house to shoot and am so excited to get some photos of all three kids!!!

Much love you all,
Erica and Tom

Breastfeeding is NOT going well :(

I just have to have a moment for the biggest frustration about the kids coming home. Breastfeeding them has become virtually impossible. I'm afraid of Grace choking again so I have been working mostly with Austin. I have to however top him off because he gets tired too fast, then I have to bottle feed Grace and finish off by pumping.. NINE times a day. The past few days I have been so tired that I have to skip at least one pump a day which screws up my milk production. I feel like a cow gone wrong..

It was so easy to bf Tommy, I took it for granted. sorry for the rant, I'm just frustrated. I now have an entire freezer full of milk that I will mostly likely be using sooner than I had hoped. Ummph..

Good news is that we will be interviewing night nurses this week to start on Sunday. My mom is going to leave on Friday, poor thing. She has been here off and on for a month and I am sure she is so ready to be in her own bed. We can't do this alone we are realizing - at least this beginning part - and we found some nursing students that might work. I'm nervous about having a stranger in our house at night with our two precious babies but we HAVE to sleep more. After the 2am feed, we fall asleep and nothing wakes us up.. very scary!! It will be nice to have some help for a least a month.

The kids are doing great. .. growing I think .. we will prove that on Thursday at the pedi office. The Regional Center came by today to assess the kids for developmental problems and said that they both look good. Of course Grace is dealing with mild subluxation in her hips so we will see the ortho next week to be sure she doesn't need a brace. For the most part though, they are normal yet tiny babies and are soo sweet. Being home is comforting to them and us. Little T is getting more comfy too which is so cute. He pushed my mom away from Austin tonight almost in a protective manner and it was amazing to see him begin to own them as his siblings. He said to me tonight, "Mom, let's go feed the babies." Tom had let him hold the bottle for Austin so he is now feeling a part of the process of taking care of them, nice.

I signed them up for the wait list at Manhattan Beach Preschool today so they are officially ready for school in 3 years. Each day brings a new milestone that solidifies the fact that they are mine. I like that and it feels good to be in this new place whether I sleep or not.

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

Am I awake or asleep?

Today has been a blur. I was up from 2am until about 8am with intermitten sleep of about 20 minutes a pop. Thank the Lord that my mom is here because otherwise we would never sleep. I was able to get a nap in and am up for another night of feeding, changing and burping.. this is the long haul. Somehow I thought the NICU would be the hardest part of this journey but we are now in the no sleep stage. I am just glad they grow and change bc they are so fragile still it is hard to be excited. It is finally setting in that I actually have twins. Little Tommy is now freaking out and we are running on empty.. just what I imagined would happen. We had a come to Jesus conversation today after he cried for an hour and wouldn't let me hold or feed the kids. All in time.. I was just glad he was able to voice his feelings after months of pent up sadness and anger. He showed it all to me today and he is such a verbal child that we actually talked about it.
They are still eating 9 times a day and taking about 60-70 ML each time, two Enfacare formula bottles with vitamins and numerous diapers. We need a night nurse.

Sorry for the short blogs.. I have no time now so they will be shorter. Just wanted to catch you all up.

Much love,
Erica and Tom

Day 2 with Gracie

I'm happy to report that Grace has not called 911 again.. We had an uneventful night and today has been mellow. We figured out a way to feed her that keeps her from refluxing. Only 60 ml, no more ..and then we hold her for 15 minutes. It seems to be working well for now so I can take a breath. She went to the pediatrician yesterday and all checked out well. One day in with three kids.. Wow.

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...

I can't say that the past 24 hours have been all wonderful. We got Grace home after going back and forth with the doctors for days.. it was supposed to be amazing right? Well.. wrong. We had spoken with the team at the NICU about her being ready to come home and that she hadn't had a lot of episodes and so I was feeling so much safer, even  confident that she would be okay.

Last night was surreal.. to start with the positive. Tom got off work and we drove up after putting T3 to bed. We got there and packed up. I was so emotional knowing that the past 9 weeks were over and we were moving on to another chapter. The blood, sweat and tears we shed were coming to a close and I was feeling very emotional obviously. We put her in the carriage and then got her to the car and I couldn't help but think that we were stealing her away in the night. We arrived home and got her all nestled in with her brother and then it began..

They woke each other up several times and I was nursing Grace while standing and giving Austin his binky at the same time, hilarious and a precursor to what I will be doing for the next 6-9 months. We seemed to get through the night as best we could and today I was feeling again, confident.

Around 11:45am, I was holding Grace after feeding her. She had latched really well and I felt like she had gotten a lot of milk.. I was even a little proud that our relationship was starting so smoothly. My sister called and I was talking away when Grace choked on milk that was apparently coming back up. The next few minutes did not go so well. .. she had a brady while I was holding her and she turned that oh so beautiful shade of BLUE. My mom was standing there with me and we both jumped into action. I grabbed her and patted her back quickly, no response. We rubbed her breastbone, no response. I turned her upsidedown and smacked her on the back several times, no response!!! My mom then grabbed her and did it harder. I took the baby from her arms and laid her down on the sofa and gave her a quick breath with my own mouth over her nose and mouth and low and behold, she came back!!!! Phew!! I called 911 and they were there within several minutes. The team came in to assess the situation and I explained what happened and the medic asked that I speak with a nurse at UCLA who really wanted me to have them take her to the hospital. I took a deep breath and said, "We have been at the hospital for NINE weeks, and I am not taking her back there." They were a bit shocked but I knew this could happen and by the grace (no pun) of God, I knew what to do and I would do it again. I pray to God that I don't have to.

We agreed that I would take her to the Pediatrician and I did, and he agreed with my choice to keep her home. We even called the neonatologist and he agreed. I think the NICU may have let her go too soon but now we need to be her champions and do the best we can to keep her breathing. Ugh.. I truly HATE saying that and I wish that I could fast forward the next several months so that she could be older and this wouldn't be a problem. I have to admit that this whole experience has changed me .. as a person, as a mom. The me of two years ago could never have given her baby CPR and been laughing with the firemen 30 minutes later, while T3 gawked at the firetruck that was consuming our driveway. I am in awe of what happened today and I am grateful for CPR training, my sweet baby who keeps fighting. She has taught me a world of lessons in such a short time. I just wish they were a little less dramatic, in essence we are screwed!!! I have a feeling she will be wearing "dramatic" well throughout her life.

She is doing well tonight and so is Austin who has been amazing today, just sleeping and eating. T3 is acclimating to them well and got to hold them last night for the first time. We have designated baby toes, his for kisses. We will keep you all posted and once I can download the pictures from last night, I will post them.

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

Between a rock and a hard place..

We saw Grace today and she officially weighs 6 lbs. 4 oz.! She is still adorable but still having brady's and desats and they are talking about doing a pneumocardiogram on Thursday which is two probes placed in her stomach that monitor her heart, lungs and digestion at the same time. They really don't want to do it but may have to. It seems that she has reflux and when you feed her, she gulps down her food really fast and then apparently it comes right back up but she doesn't vomit or spit up. She holds her breath... which causes her heart rate to slow. The problem is that she did it an hour and a half after eating a few nights ago and we would never know that she was having an episode without the monitors. What if she were asleep and we missed it.. not good. With another infant in the room and us sleeping in between her feeds .. it is just too risky. So she stays until she can get through at least a full 24 hours without any events.

We are looking at the end of the week for discharge.. maybe. I held her today and just cried because the whole experience is heightened by her still being there. Austin's spot has already been taken by a new couple and their child and it pains me to see her still in her open crib, not being held enough and being alone. I can only be there for an hour a day because it takes me an hour to get there and an hour to get back. I can't be gone that long from Austin and Tommy so my time is split unfortunately. My heart aches for her and I will not be complete until she is home.

On a lighter note.. Austin had his first doctors appt today with the pediatrician and did great! He is now 6 lbs. 7oz. and is 19" long!!! He seems to be loving being at home.. he gets so much attention and Mimi (my mom) is loving holding him all the time.  We have been working as a team with Tom trying to cover Austin in the wee hours of night. I can't even imagine what it will be like to have two of them at home at the same time. We will cross that bridge when we get there. Right now, I am just glad to have at least one of them in our house .. We are all acclimating nicely. :)

I have added some pictures and will add more when Grace gets home.

Much love to all of you,

Erica and Tom

Austin is home.. First day complete!

I can't believe I'm saying this but Austin is really home.. The past 24 hours have been crazy but wonderful.. Well almost. We started out on Wed. Being told that he was ready and we ended up waiting to do the room in until Friday night, which totally sucked. We started the night with both babies and after the 11 pm feeding, Grace had two desats and Brady's and we had to give her back to the nurse. She wasn't ready and although we were soooo sad, it was for the best. So, the night began with stress.. No sleep later, we were happy to report that all went well and we were slated to be released at 11 am. We met with the doctors and visited Grace in her bay and then went and had breakfast.

By 12 pm, we still hadn't been released. So much goes into discharging a patient esp. a preemie so it took a while. When we finally got the ok, we took him downstairs and got the car. We had to adjust his car seat to the smallest setting and we were off. It was a decent ride home .. Totally surreal. Once we got home home, we realized that Tommy was napping so we waited until he woke to introduce them. As suspected, Tommy woke up grumpy so the initial meeting was rough but after a while, he warmed up. It was so cute when he said, "I hold him, now?" and petted his back. We were a little scared bc he has been coughing a bit but it hasn't gotten any worse so we are being cautious.

The last 24 hours has been crazy to say the least.. Feeding every three hours and then trying to visit Grace in the hospital. Tom and I divided today and he stayed home with the boys while I went for a few hours. This is the hard part, Grace had another serious apnea episode last night. ;( it broke my heart to hear but I'm so glad she is still there and not at home with me trying to deal. It will be another week before they will allow her to go so at least I will have a few days alone with Austin to prepare.

I will post pictures tomorrow of the home coming.

So much love to you all...we are almost there..
Erica and Tom

AUSTIN IS COMING HOME!

We arrived at the hospital yesterday to be told that Austin could go home today! We were so overwhelmed that we had to push our "room in" til tonight instead of last night so we could better prepare ourselves and the house. We will "room in" with the kids tonight and baby Austin will be in our house by Friday at noon. They have a hotel like room in the NICU for parents to do a test run and it should be an adventure!

Gracie is doing better and we figured out what was causing her such strife.. her vitamins! I tried to give her them again in a small bottle and she had one Brady after another (but not quite as bad as before). We discontinued them nevertheless and we will see how she does. She still has events and her heart rate still elevates so they are keeping her until at least Tuesday. What in the world am I going to do with one baby at home and one in the hospital? My mom is here now and my dad comes on Saturday so I might have to leave Austin with them on Sat. and Sun for a few hours so that we can go to the hospital to see Grace. We will figure it out but it will take some careful planning. We are sooo excited though to at least have one of them home, the NICU journey is finally coming to a close after almost 8 weeks .. crazy. It all feels like a blur.

Updates
Austin weighs 5lbs. 15 oz and Grace weighs 5lbs. 11oz.. they are still gaining! They are both getting better at breast feeding but we still supplement with a bottle and they are both up to SEVENTY MLS!! They are hungry little monkeys for sure.. just have to keep them fed and they are very quiet, sweet babies.. more as it happens.

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

Not for the faint of heart..

WARNING: THIS IS KIND OF DEPRESSING, but it happened so I am sharing it.

I have good news and bad news.. the good news is that we are slated for Austin to come home on Saturday and Grace to come home on Monday or Tuesday. We have tentatively reserved the family room for Friday night so that we can do what is called "room in" with the twins. It is a trial run I suppose.. We are really excited and would be more so if what happened yesterday wouldn't have happened. :(

Bad news is that I was doing the 2pm feeding and was feeling really self sufficient.. I had just fed Grace and had to give her some vitamins so I was trying to give her a bottle. About 2/3 of the way through the bottle, she vommited all over me, nice! I didn't think anything of it, burped her, made sure she was ok and then wrapped her up and put her back in her crib. I went over to start Austin and the alarm went off. What happened next is something I will never forget. I turned and looked at my precious baby Gracie and she looked dead. She was ash gray and wasn't breathing.. she had aspirated her milk and was having a HUGE apnea episode. When I got to her, she was limp and not breathing and I grabbed her out of the crib and began patting her back vigorously.. a minute later, she was still limp. The nurses came over and asked me to give them Grace and as I stepped aside, they gave her oxygen and tried to suction her nose and throat. I have never been so terrified in my life. I thought for sure she was gone. About two minutes in, she finally took a big breath and started crying. I think I lost about 5 years in that moment.. my heart was beating so fast.

It turns out that she had indeed apirated milk and they suctioned it out of her airway, sat her up and called the respiratory therapist and our doctor. Our biggest fear is pneumonia obviously so we will watch her over the next few days to be sure her white cell count stays down. She is scheduled for an EKG as well bc her heart rate is still high (160s) even with the transfusion. They said it would be smart to check it before she leaves and I agree. I think they are still going to allow her to come home, but I am hoping that they keep her for at least another week. I don't think I will be able to handle it if something happens to her at home, While she is there, they can intervene quickly and I can step aside and let them do their jobs. If it is just us, I will be the one to bring her back and in theory that is all nifty, CPR and what have you.. but who wants to do that to their 5lb. 9oz. child??? I am terrified I will not do it right and it will be my fault if something horrible happens.

I will do anything to keep my child alive, but today really REALLY sucked and I just pray that we never have to go through that again. I will never forget what she looked like and that makes me so angry.. that I had to see that, that I know now what my child would look like if she passed. We are at the end of our stay in the NICU and it has been a roller coaster .. I wish I could get off. I wish I had that choice and I don't. We just keep rolling with the punches and I keep wondering, why is this happening? Maybe in time I will understand more deeply but right now it feels very personal.

Tom and I were able to go to dinner and try to celebrate VDay but I spent most of it crying, poor Tom. We will move past this eventually and the best part is that she is okay for now and we get to stay on this journey with her no matter how bumpy. Poor Austin got the shaft again with all of her drama.. he did great today and we will continue to watch him, hold him and hopefully bring him home on Saturday. The saga continues..

Update
Grace weighs 5lbs. 9 oz and Austin weighs 5lbs. 13 oz. :)

Much love to you all and Happy Valentine's Day,
Erica and Tom

...two steps back.. again.

Of course all was going well and we expected some mountains to overcome and of course today we got to that mountain. As I was driving in, I got a call from the neonatologist saying that Grace would be getting a transfusion today. Booo! It had been scheduled and there was nothing we could do about it. We jumped on the band wagon and it actually went pretty well. Her hematocrit was still 26 and has been for weeks, her heart rate was in the 200s and she kept having events fairly consistently. The writing was on the wall and knowing that they want the kids to come home soon, they felt it was the smartest decision.

She started at 2pm and was finished by 6pm and I stayed with her all day, holding her as often as I could. She turned pink from the extra blood (which was Tom's yay!) but slept the majority of the time. I was able to nurse her while it was happening and by the time I left, she seemed fine. Tom was able to come too and be with us for several hours which was really nice and comforting to me for sure. The main concern is that she accepts it well, she doesn't develop an infection or reject it but all of that would have happened immediately. The kicker is the stomach infection that can occur. We will watch for that too and whatever happens, we will deal with it. It is really scary knowing all of the what ifs and not having a clue if we are going to have to confront any of it.

Austin had a good day today which was nice. He was super alert and hungry! I tried to keep up with him just nursing but I ended up having to supplement with bottles. I am really going to have a chore getting them up to speed with breast feeding but we will have to worry about that later.

We are still on par for this week in terms of going home. The kids have to be in a safer place before they will release them which will probably be this weekend. My parents are coming back to help out and we will need it. This whole journey is coming to a close and I honestly cannot believe it. I can't believe that it has been more than 7 weeks. The time has melted away and I feel as if I have lost time for the first time in my life. .. very creepy.

Updates
Grace
She weighs 2530 grams which is 5 lbs. 9.2 oz.

Austin
He weighs 2660 grams 5 lbs. 13.8 oz.

Cheers to the next chapter..

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

They could be coming home THIS WEEK!!!

Tom and I don't know if we should be excited or terrified.. they are likely coming home this week. They both handled the full :by mouth" feeding for the past 24 hours and we are looking at discharge soon. I will wait til the doctors tell me a date but we are getting everything ready.

We went in today with Tommy in tow and just tag teamed again. I got dropped off to do the 11am breast feed and Tom took Tommy to a park nearby. Then we switched and Tom was able to give Grace a bottle and that was fun for him. I then went up and breastfed Austin and he got 12 ML!!! That is double what he got yesterday so he is definitely making strides. We have to keep teaching them to nurse until they are able to increase the volume to where it needs to be. For now, we supplement with a bottle when I am done nursing them. When they come home, we will be giving them two bottles per day of Enfagrow so they can get extra calories. That means that I am still pumping, ugh.. but at least they will be getting more calcium which is why they do that for preemies.

Updates
Grace
She now weighs 5lbs. 6 oz. and is getting a little belly on her.. what a little cutie she is. They have her on a doughnut for her head shape because she has been on her side too much. She is still grunting like a little squirrel and it still cracks us up. She is a champion feeder and we hope that remains a constant.

Austin
He now weighs 5lbs. 12oz. and seems huge! Although quite the looker .. he is also dealing with the hammer head so he now has a doughnut as well. Good thing their heads change so much in that first year. :) He is doing much better with his bottle and is quickly learning how to nurse, thank God! I really dislike giving him bottles right now bc he gets tired so quickly and then has brady's which scare me to death! He is improving though and that is all that matters.

Sooo.. I will keep you all posted on when the big day is. We have been told that this can be a waiting game so I am not going to hold my breath. I will keep preparing their room, getting clothes washed and such.. nesting. The BIG ride is about to begin.

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom 

One more day down..

Today has been equally as stressful as yesterday but I think I handled it better. Grace didn't latch as well today in the 2pm feed as she did yesterday, but she did okay. I'm not complaining.. Austin latched better in the first feeding today but then scared me taking his bottle in the 5pm feed. He got more than I thought bc I couldn't get him to finish the remaining milk via bottle. By 5pm, he was spent.. wouldn't even wake up to nurse more than a few minutes.. then had two brady's back to back. Ugh..It's a crap shoot it seems trying to decipher how much they drink. I am determined to figure it out though.. Ultimately, they do better in the 2pm feeding. The 5pm is a disaster.. or at least it has been these last two days. I just don't want to push them too hard..

Good news is that they still look adorable and I'm bonding with them more this week simply because I'm able to spend more time here with them. I hate that that means I'm away from Tommy but I just keep saying to myself that it is temporary. I'm not sure I will know how to deal when we are all under the same roof but we will cross that bridge later..

Updates
Austin weighs 5lbs. 11 oz. and Grace weighs 5lbs. 6 oz.. still gaining!

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

.. one step back..

Everything was going so well this week that the small pessimist in me was waiting for something to shift. .. and it did. Well I can't say that we had a bad day, it just scared me. I arrived and got to hold them both.. we all fell asleep which was great as usual. They know me now and just snuggle in and fall asleep which I treasure. A short break later, I came back at 2pm and did my first nutritive feed. Austin latched and did pretty well, Grace did too but I knew she didn't get much. They both then finished their bottles on top of what they got from me. They were full but no one threw up, sweet! I was feeling good.. tired but good... and very proud of my little stars.

I went and got a coffee and rested for a bit, and came back for the 5pm feed. I had no idea how this second feed was going to go bc they have never done three feeds by mouth in a row. I started with Grace and she latched immediately, and I think she got A LOT because we tried to finish her with the rest of the bottle but she handled it horribly! She not only refused to eat anymore, she had two bradys (HR went down to 66!) back to back and they scared me to death. She was refluxing a bit too I think. We laid her down after she recovered of course, swaddled her and I picked up Austin. He wasn't interested in breast feeding at all which was a disappointment. Our nurse said, no big deal and she started bottle feeding him which ended up being fine. I was still full so I had to pump before I left and got started.. about a minute into it, I heard Grace's alarm and looked over. She was BLUE! The nurse couldn't get up bc she was feeding Austin and I was pumping so I dropped my pump to get to Grace immediately. She was having another brady and this time, it didn't go so well. I managed to get her out of her crib and unwrapped and after some coaxing, she finally took a breath. Geeeeez.. I about had a heart attack. She ended up being fine and I was probably overreacting but I will never get used to those darn bradys!!! She hasn't had any in a while and today she had three. Ugh. The good news in all of this is that she took to breast feeding and I think she prefers it because she can control the flow. With the bottle she can't and I think she tried and failed.

This is all on the heals of speaking with the discharge nurse today about final preparations before they come home.. that it will probably be the week after next and how excited I was to even talk about getting them home. Episodes like this make me terrified to bring them home, to let them fall asleep on their own without me watching them. I might ask for a monitor just so that I can sleep. ;) It does feel like the downhill stretch though and if I can get Austin to breastfeed more efficiently and get Grace to stop having events.. we might all make it.

Tomorrow, we will do the same thing again.. 11am to 5pm and then try two feeds back to back earlier in the day this weekend so I don't have to be away from the boys so much. The week was as follows:

Bootcamp
2 days one bottle/bf per shift (2 per day)
2 days two bottles/bf per shift (4 per day)
2 days three bottles/bf per shift (6 per day).. we are currently here.

If we can master this third stage, the kids get their feeding tubes out and we can really start planning for their homecoming. I will be praying that they are able to tolerate this jump with flying colors and we can get them home.

Updates
Gtace weighs 5 lbs. 4 oz. and Austin weighs 5 lbs. 10 oz. :)

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

Breast Feeding 101

Today was my first try at a nutritive feeding and it went really well. I was a little disappointed because Grace only got between 12-17 ML and Austin only got between 6-11 ML.. Boo! They put the rest in the feeding tube so they got what they needed. I guess it is normal for them to not get very much the first time but I was hoping they would just take off running. Things have been going so well lately and this is not a step back but we are going to take a little longer on breast feeding than originally planned.

Going home...The Dr. said today that we are getting closer but he was not willing to commit to a date. It all depends on how they do this week but they are still having brady's and desats so I am assuming all of that has to stop before they will be released.

Today, I went to Target to start picking things up for the twins' room and it felt so strange to be back at the newborn stage. I didn't have time to nest like I would have so I am on fast forward.. especially if they come home so soon. I am feverishly putting everything together and we will be ready. :) It's a fun next step though and makes it all more real.

Updates
Austin weighs 5 lbs. 9.4 oz. and Grace weighs 5lbs. 3.8 oz!!!!!

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

Good day again..

I'm scared to say it went well again but it did. We had one hiccup and that was Austin's apnea event while drinking his bottle. I arrived to find them in the cutest fleece sweatsuits (thanks Mimi!! ;)) ..I did the non-nutritive breast feeding with them and then held them at the same time skin to skin.. We all three fell asleep. It was wonderful!!

I was able to do their bottle feeds and Grace has now been graded " advanced feeder " - woo hoo! She can suck, swallow and breathe at the same time.. Which is more like a 37 weeker! What a little rock star!!! Austin did well too but not as well.. We think he got tired but he was only able to get down 17 of the 47 ml in his 2 pm feeding. We will see how he does tomorrow but the OT is still advancing them both to two bottles per shift. I will meet with the lactation team and do my first nutritive feed.. Yay!!! It's all contingent on their progress tonight and tomorrow though.. Hoping and praying!!

Updates. ( we just called )
Grace
She weighs 5lbs 1.7 oz! She took 40 ml in 12 minutes, little piggy!

Austin
He weighs a hefty 5 lbs 7.5 oz. and drank his bottle in 20 minutes.. So glad he is doing better.

More later.. Much love,
Erica and Tom

No TRANSFUSIONS!!!!!!!

Great news.. the hematocrits were good! Well, they weren't great, but good enough. Grace's was 27. and Austin's was 29. The neonatologist decided not to do the transfusions.. phew!.. that was close. It was a good day with the kids.. I got there and jumped right in to breast feeding boot camp and then got to give them both bottles. :) They did really well.. It was me who felt like the novice. I got nervous for some reason. Regardless, everyone survived and I was able to start holding them. This time, I took time for each one which was nice.. I've been holding them together and I enjoy the individual time as well.

Updates
Austin
His feedings were increased to 47ML! and he takes all of that in a bottle in less than 30 minutes.. I am so impressed! If you could see how tiny he is, it seems amazing. His face is really changing now and he is such a snuggler.. we cuddle really well. He always likes to be right up under my chin and I love it, bc I can kiss on him the whole time. :) He has really gained weight and is at 5 lbs. 5 oz. now!

Grace
Her feedings got increased today too.. and she is now taking 45ML! Woo hooo! She now weighs 4lbs. 15 oz.. and is just behind her brother and her tummy is getting all round now which I just love!!!! All I want to do is zurburt her belly but I don't think the nurses would approve.. save that for home I guess. :) She has officially outgrown her preemie clothes. I can't believe it.. We have decided to donate a lot of them to the unit as a thank you for all that they have done for us.

We will move up tomorrow to two bottles per shift. It is one per shift now and they seem to be doing great. I will touch base with more as it happens..

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom

quick post..

I am not going to write a lot but I have even more good news.. the kids were taken off of caffeine today. :) They have been on that since birth for apnea and it was finally time to come off. We are so happy and the other good news is that they have both gained more weight. I will write more tomrrow but I had to share.. Tom went by himself today and I took T3 to the park.

More later,
Erica and Tom

Peaceful day with Nana and Poppy :)

Today was spent marvelling at the kids' ability to drink all of their bottles within 15 minutes. Grace picked up the pace today and did amazing and Austin is now an old hand at it. :) Nana and Poppy (Tom's parents) came to visit today and were able to hold them for the first time which was really nice. We all held them a lot today actually and it felt for the first time that the kids were detached from their beds. It seems like ever since they were born that they have been hooked up to something, isolated from us and today there was a shift. It was probably just me but it was nice. Now that I know they are coming home (2-4 weeks) for sure, I am preparing mentally I suppose.

In 8 days, they will be getting their feeding tubes out so that is a great sign. Every other day they will increase the number of bottles they get and I will begin to supplement those bottles with breast feeding until they are breast feeding most of the time. The hard part is that next week, they want me to come in at 8am to breast feed and then skip a feeding so the kids can rest (and use the feeding tube) only to come back for the 2pm feeding. That is going to be really hard for our time schedule and most likely will not work but I will see what I can work out with the nanny. Living so far away from the hospital poses major problems but we will find a way.

Updates
Grace
She now weighs 4lbs. 13oz. and is really quite adorable. We were worried there for a bit but she is coming around for sure. There is some respiratory therapist that comes to check on her all the time which is so sweet but kind of creepy too. I haven't met him yet but Tom keeps joking that he imprinted on her.. for those of you who watched or read the Twilight series, you will understand. All I have to say is Yuk to that! She beat out Austin tonight with her bottle feeding and did better, good job!
Austin
He weighs 5lbs. 3oz., woo hoo!!!! He got tired tonight I guess on his feedings but I am sure he will be ready to go tomorrow. He is such a cute little baby and I just want to snuggle him all the time.. he will be a momma's boy for sure, not the bad kind but I have a feeling we will be close. ;)

It was a good day and I am feeling very blessed that they are advancing each day. Thank you GOD!!!

Much love to all of you,
Erica and Tom

A great week..

I was able to go in today to hold the kids skin to skin and it was wonderful as usual. They are almost too big to hold at the same time but I won't give up easily on that one.. it's too much fun. :) I was totally shocked when the nurse came up and told me that Austin had a BOTTLE today!! I know.. I couldn't believe it either!! He took all 42 ML like a champ and loved it. He will be a great eater, nice! I'm so proud of him and his huge steps this week.

I was there when they gave Grace hers and she was able to drink 30 ML of the 40 ML.. wonderful! She  got tired and fell asleep so we gave her the remaining 10 ML in her feeding tube. She was very peaceful and happy afterwards, love it. I am so proud of her too.

Tonight is a short entry - I hope you all have a great weekend!

Much love,
Erica and Tom