Breastfeeding is NOT going well :(

I just have to have a moment for the biggest frustration about the kids coming home. Breastfeeding them has become virtually impossible. I'm afraid of Grace choking again so I have been working mostly with Austin. I have to however top him off because he gets tired too fast, then I have to bottle feed Grace and finish off by pumping.. NINE times a day. The past few days I have been so tired that I have to skip at least one pump a day which screws up my milk production. I feel like a cow gone wrong..

It was so easy to bf Tommy, I took it for granted. sorry for the rant, I'm just frustrated. I now have an entire freezer full of milk that I will mostly likely be using sooner than I had hoped. Ummph..

Good news is that we will be interviewing night nurses this week to start on Sunday. My mom is going to leave on Friday, poor thing. She has been here off and on for a month and I am sure she is so ready to be in her own bed. We can't do this alone we are realizing - at least this beginning part - and we found some nursing students that might work. I'm nervous about having a stranger in our house at night with our two precious babies but we HAVE to sleep more. After the 2am feed, we fall asleep and nothing wakes us up.. very scary!! It will be nice to have some help for a least a month.

The kids are doing great. .. growing I think .. we will prove that on Thursday at the pedi office. The Regional Center came by today to assess the kids for developmental problems and said that they both look good. Of course Grace is dealing with mild subluxation in her hips so we will see the ortho next week to be sure she doesn't need a brace. For the most part though, they are normal yet tiny babies and are soo sweet. Being home is comforting to them and us. Little T is getting more comfy too which is so cute. He pushed my mom away from Austin tonight almost in a protective manner and it was amazing to see him begin to own them as his siblings. He said to me tonight, "Mom, let's go feed the babies." Tom had let him hold the bottle for Austin so he is now feeling a part of the process of taking care of them, nice.

I signed them up for the wait list at Manhattan Beach Preschool today so they are officially ready for school in 3 years. Each day brings a new milestone that solidifies the fact that they are mine. I like that and it feels good to be in this new place whether I sleep or not.

Much love to you all,
Erica and Tom