Roller Coaster Days

I have to keep myself in check .. Tom and I were just discussing how much this situation sucks BUT that it could be so much worse. I distinctly remember how horribly uncomfortable I was during this pregnancy, especially the week before this whole thing went down. Anyone who saw me those last few weeks can attest to my state of mind and physicality. Had I not delivered, I would be laying in a hospital bed just getting bigger. They kept telling me I could make it another six weeks with my water broken.. Fat chance!! As much as I wish I could have made it, I know in my heart this was best. It's just so hard to keep everything in perspective from one day to the next.. One day I'm okay and the next I'm in the twilight zone wondering what just happened. I guess this is what they meant by "roller coaster" at our first family meeting. I have decided to focus on the day to day and not look into the future too far, it's too overwhelming. At least this way we can truly celebrate each daily win, no matter how tiny.

The visits each day are pretty stressful and the time seems to melt through our fingers. Literally, the hours pass in what seems like minutes, very strange. Seeing them is such a treat though even with the desats and Brady's which brings me to the past two days..

Grace was changed to what is called a comfort flow breathing canula. Austin's been on it for a while and it seems to help with the "d & b"s (desats & Brady's). The prongs are bigger though and her nostrils are tiny so she hates it and tries to pull it out all the time. Today she managed to get her feeding tube out while she was sleeping on my chest. I felt something run down my chest and thought she had spit up but no, it was her feeding going all over me. Tom experienced this last week so it was my turn. Austin's day was spent snuggled into Tom's chest, sleeping soundly. Somehow I got all of the d&bs and milk splatter. Grace looked adorable in her little onsie so I didn't hold it against her. ;)

Updates
Grace
She weighs 3lbs. 6.8 oz. and is still at 28 ml. She had a residual of 5ml today but the nurse blew it off. Hopefully that won't get any worse. She has an elevated hr and has for a week now. .. it could be a side effect of the caffeine she is on for her apnea but who knows. I'm sure the coming weeks will tell ..

Austin
He finally got to wear this little outfit my mom got that has a whale on it, precious!! Poor guy, I'm going to dress him up like a doll and he has no say in it. He weighs 3lbs. 11 oz. and is really filling out. He is still at 30ml feedings and seems to be handling it great.

Yesterday was such a different story with no d&b's during our visit but tomorrow is a new day and we are hopeful that we can get small breaks from the rough days.

Much love to you all,
Erica & Tom